Why wearing a pencil skirt was such a big deal

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I’ve had my fair share of struggles when it comes to body image, I still do sometimes. But the way I see it, I’m taking steps more and more in the right direction. I’m learning how to love myself the way I am, mostly because I come to realize that life is way to short and you receive a lot of kicks from different directions so you don’t have to make it any more harder by criticising yourself for things that you can’t actually change.

My height has always been one of my so called problems ever since I was in primary school. I hated being short and in highschool it started getting worst mostly because some of the people around me kept pointing it out. I would make jokes about it but on the inside I wasn’t nearly amused by it.

Looking around me everybody seemed taller and skinnier. I would try on different clothes and I would feel like a child dressed in her mother’s clothes. I hated it, so naturally I started developing a certain style that involved wearing only certain types of clothes that in my mind would make me feel less short. I banned from my wardrobe maxi skirts, midi skirts, pencil skirts, flared trousers, long boots and a lot more things, although I loved them ( but just not on me). It gave me a certain control over the situation but on the other side I developed other frustrations like looking at something on the hanger and thinking ‘this is for tall people’, ‘this would look good on me only if I was taller’.

Then I moved to London.

And then I started gaining some weight and I went up 2 sizes which is not even a lot but it made me feel even worse about myself ‘cause now I felt fat and short.( but that’s another story)

I’m going to lie if I say I’m completely over it. But what I did realize is that I am the one who was putting all that pressure on myself. I am the one who is limiting me and no one else.

As shallow it may sound, clothes give me a certain type of pleasure, given into consideration how many fucked things we have to endure in life, I don’t think it’s that bad to enjoy a bit of materialism from time to time. But I was robing myself even from that, I didn’t enjoy it anymore. Sometimes I would buy clothes and not even wear them in the end. Which was basically a total waste of money and leaded to more frustrations which attracted more negative things into my life.

It’s kind of funny/sad how such insecurities you hold inside can translate into the way you behave around other people, how it can affect your creativity, your mood. Basically everything around you.

I am learning though. Struggling and learning. I know I’m not the only one in this position.

I guess I wish we could understand that beauty doesn’t have a fix recipe. The small things that make us different make us beautiful and we shouldn’t beat ourselves over things we can’t physically change.

Would i ever get taller? Most likely not.

So I guess it’s stupid for me to make a post about me wearing a freaking pencil skirt,but I don’t really care. I consider it a step in the right direction for myself.

I wore it and nothing happened. No one yelled after me ‘Hey!You’re short, you can’t wear that’. I actually felt good and confident and next thing I’m going for, are flared pants.

Nothing is actually made for just certain people, you just need to find the cut that is right for your shape, style and height for that matter.

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All you need is love and a cat!

 

 

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